Most of us have heard the phrase, “It takes a village,” especially when talking about raising children. But as a psychotherapist with over ten years of experience, I’ve come to believe we never really outgrow the needs we had as children.

We still need safety.
We still need connection.
We still need people to help carry the weight of being human.

(We also still need good sleep hygiene—but that’s a whole other blog. Pro tip, though: sleep sounds help most humans.)

When Life Be Life-ing...

Lately, life has been life-ing—hard. And it’s had me reflecting a lot on how much I rely on my village. For me, that includes biological family, chosen family, friends, colleagues, and even a few acquaintances.

Each person in my circle plays a different, essential role:

• The one I go to when I need to blow off steam and just have fun
• The cheerleader who will agree with EVERY irrational thought, but also holds me accountable (we don’t want to break any laws or go TOO far outside the lines)
• The one I call when I need to not talk about anything heavy
• The one I brainstorm with about growing my practice
• The one who (lovingly and without judgement) calls me on my bullshit
• And the one who offers a soft place to fall or an empathetic ear
• The one who knows how to listen and provide advice without judgement

Not everyone can be everything for us—and they don’t have to be. The power of a village is in the diversity of strengths each person brings. Being able to recognize those strengths—and having the courage to reach out—is what helps us survive this beautifully messy thing called life.

5 Questions to Ask When Assessing Your Village

If you’re curious about your own support system, here are a few powerful questions to reflect on:

1. Who do I feel safe being completely myself with?
   The ones who love you without needing you to be “on” or “okay.”
2. Who shows up for me—and how?
   Think beyond big gestures. Who checks in, listens, or brings levity?
3. Who do I turn to for specific needs?
   Emotional support? Practical help? A laugh? A reality check?
4. Am I giving as much as I’m receiving—and vice versa?
   Healthy relationships are reciprocal. Is there balance?
5. Are there relationships I’ve outgrown—or ones I want to deepen?
   Some connections need space. Others might be waiting for you to lean in.If You Don’t Feel Like You Have a Village

First of all, take a breath. You are not broken. You’re not behind. You’re human.

Many people don’t feel deeply connected right now. Sometimes that’s due to life changes, loss, boundaries, trauma, or simply never being taught how to build safe, reciprocal relationships. It’s okay if this blog stirred something up in you. That discomfort is an invitation, not a failure.

The truth is, villages can be built. You don’t need a dozen people. One or two can be enough. What matters is how you’re supported, not how many support you.

Start small. Reach out. Ask for what you need. Let people show up.

Ready to Explore This More?

If reflecting on your relationships has left you with questions or a desire for change, you're not alone—and you don’t have to figure it all out on your own.

Therapy can be a place to:

• Untangle your relationship patterns
• Build or rebuild community
• Learn how to ask for support
• Heal trust wounds
• Create the kind of connections you deserve

Let’s explore what your village could look like—and what kind of support feels right for you.

You deserve to be held, seen, and supported—not just when you're in crisis, but always.