The kind of growth that actually changes us usually doesn’t come from getting what we deserve. It comes from wanting something so deeply that it pulls us forward, even when life takes a sharp left turn we never saw coming.

I was recently reading It Begins With You by Jillian Turecki, and near the end she reflects on her relationship with her father. She writes, “Not having what I deserved gave me what I needed to grow. I wouldn’t be here today… if I had what I wanted.” That line stopped me cold. It mirrored exactly where I am in my own life: the growth, grit, and determination I’ve had to call on while working toward what I want has given me space to heal from losing what I thought I wanted.

So much of our growth shows up in chapters we didn’t ask for. We walk through painful seasons unaware that adversity is actually shaping us, stretching us, positioning us for the life we’remeant to build. The key is letting ourselves feel all of it — the grief, anger, sadness, confusion, frustration, rejection, humiliation, disrespect, worry… truly, all the things. There’s no “wrong” way to feel in those early moments. The only guideline is: feel it, don’t harm yourself or others, and let yourself be in it. The fog does lift. And when it does, your direction becomes clearer. Lean on your village. Reach out. Let the people who care about you show up.

And as you start imagining the next chapter, stay open minded and open hearted. No “wrong” answers here, either. Let every possibility have a seat at the table. Even the wildly unrealistic or laughably out-there ones. If the idea came to you, it’s worth exploring. Some of my favorite stories, opportunities, and plot twists came from a simple, “Well… I can’t think of a reason not to.” Moments like planning a weekend in Athens, with my favorite cousin. She said yes and I had a plane ticket and hotel booked in 24 hours. It sounds more dramatic when you don’t realize I was living in Europe at the time. But, I couldn’t think of a reason not too and it was truly one of my favorite trips. Usually the only thing holding me back from taking leaps is fear or that tiny whisper of, “But can I really?” or worst, “Should I”. Insert eye roll here. Should, what a lame word. That’s a talk for another time.

But, Seriously. Do. Not. Shrink. Yourself. Your ideas come to you for a reason. You get one life.
Don’t let other people’s limitations — their inability to show up, their disappointment, their projections — keep you from becoming who you’re meant to be or stepping into the places, career, and life waiting for you.

One example that still sticks with me is when I was preparing for graduate school. The program I originally wanted required a very specific letter of recommendation, so I went to the person who held that role. And I was rejected. Not gently. Not with curiosity. Not with compassion.

They questioned my dedication to the field and brought up an exam I had failed two years earlier. They did this without asking what happened or offering space to explain. ZERO compassion. I walked out devastated and deeply insecure. It’s wild how someone in a position of power, even someone whose opinion you don’t fully respect, can still hit you where it hurts.

So I gave myself a real pity party. Three full days. Then I leaned into my village; my advisor, my mentor, my fellow students and started exploring other options. That’s when I stumbled on what would become my alma mater: Texas State University in San Marcos. (Shoutout Bobcats!)

And the plot twist? It ended up being exactly where I was meant to land. I met professors and peers who shaped my career, learned things I still use today, built lifelong connections, and bonus, saved an entire semester and about $20k. Not bad for a moment that originally crushed me.

Looking back, that “no” was one of the biggest redirects of my life. Sometimes the door that slams shut is the one that pushes you exactly where you need to go. And honestly? My work and the career I’ve built speak to my dedication more loudly than any letter ever could. No need to defend yourself, just show them.

When we lose what we thought we wanted, we often gain clarity about what actually aligns with us. If you’re in a season of transition or reinvention, here are some questions that can help guide your reflection:

• What am I afraid to want?
• Where am I shrinking myself?
• What’s one option I haven’t allowed myself to consider?
• What have I wanted at different stages of life and why didn’t I pursue it then? Are
  those obstacles still real? Does that desire still fit?
• What might future-me want?
• What did teenage-me want? (Truly — those young, idealistic, “I can do anything” versions of us sometimes knew exactly who we were meant to be.)

Let your past, present, and future selves guide you. Let your desires speak. And trust that even when something falls apart, you are being redirected into alignment — not away from it.

If this resonated, let it be your invitation to go a little deeper. Start by exploring these themes in your journal — write about what’s pulling you forward and what still feels tender. Then, share it with someone in your village to spark a real conversation. And if you’re ready for support in this season, reach out to me for a therapy consultation. You don’t have to navigate your growth alone.